Archetypal Magic: The Empress

We’re approaching the longest day of the year! Summertime in all its magic! And when I picture an idealized version of summer, I think a lot about The Empress. Languidly sprawled out on a bed of flowers, eating grapes from the vine- not a care in the world. Able to receive and experience pleasure to the fullest. What a beautiful image.

Buuuut, this state is actually pretty hard to sink into for a lot of us (myself included). Especially after the last year we’ve had. I’m finding that my nervous system still needs time to feel safe enough to settle. My body needs space before I can lay down with abandon and let the juices from the fruit I’m eating trickle down my chin. And I want it so bad. 

The Empress can be confronting in all their glory. They show us where we might have trouble receiving, surrendering, and trusting. (*Hot tip: that doesn’t mean we have to “breakthrough” these difficulties. They might be there for a reason.)

As we deepen our understanding of this archetype, let’s be sure to remember that these archetypes live in all of us all the time. Some are easier to access than others- we walk with them at the forefront of our personalities. Others are harder to embody and we might have to sit with ourselves and notice our blocks around embodying a particular archetype. Additionally, we move in and out of these archetypes, not only throughout our lives but throughout our day. Our moods or states of being allow for different energies to take charge and we can be fluid with this. We can’t only embody one archetype all the time- it’s not how being a human being works. 

I say this because I feel like The Empress often makes people feel like their way is the best way and one should attempt to be sultry, magnetic, and fertile all the time. Nope! The question is, as it is with all archetypes, “what is your relationship to this state of being?”. 

Rachel Pollack says, “the Empress represents a time of passion, a period when we approach life through feelings and pleasure rather than thought. The passion is sexual or motherly; either way it is deeply experienced…”. I would quickly argue that this particular kind of passion can be sexual AND motherly- the two don’t need to be separated, but that’s a different topic for a different day. We think of summertime as a time of passion. And it is! Look at the flowers! But it might not be your time of passion. It’s okay if you’re feeling out of place. 

If you are in a place where you can receive- omg that is worth celebrating! Let me feed you mango and stroke your hair! 

But what if you aren’t? What if after the last year you’re having trouble accessing pleasure/passion/a carefree nature? What can you do instead? We can turn to small, daily choices that don’t have to be lavish. We can grow our ability to receive pleasure by noticing the subtleties of our experience 

Right now, we hear the word “pleasure” and it’s evocative of lucious, hedonistic pursuits- food, sex, an abundance of time. And if that’s something we don’t have, the concept of pleasure feels elusive to us. Or inaccessible. If we live in a marginalized body, there’s an additional question of safety. Am I safe and accepted in this group/at this party/at the summer festival? Is it okay if I don’t participate because I can’t, or will I be othered? Many of us have a lot of questions about pleasure and if it doesn’t fit the mold, we feel like it’s just not for us in its current collective form. 

And I have a few things to say about that:

You get to decide what pleasure means to you. You get to decide who you participate in pleasurable activities with. You get to discern who makes you feel safe. When our bodies sense a threat, perceived or real, we become activated. Our nervous systems might shoot up into fight or flight. Or we may freeze. We may also end up “fawning”- betraying our needs for the sake of safety/acceptance within the group. When we are in these states (fight and flight especially) our physiology begins protecting us. By upping our cortisol levels, by raising our heart rate, by shutting down our digestive and sexual functions. How could you possibly be in a state of receiving while this is happening in your body? No wonder you’re not having fun at the party. Alternatively, when we’re feeling safe and connected with people, our bodies move into a more open and receptive state. Some people call this rest and digest. Some call it feed and breed (lol). This is the state when we can notice the subtle details of our experience. This is when we can sink into pleasure, however that looks like for you. 

My point is, it’s okay if you don’t feel like participating yet. It’s okay if you need to have certain boundaries or safety protocols in place. The right people for you will understand those needs and provide them. Find those people. 

Additionally, “pleasure” can look… so many different ways. It doesn’t have to be elaborate. It doesn’t have to be lavish or cost money or be a whole production. It can be simple and woven into your daily routines or rituals. It can be something you engage in in privacy or with close loved ones. Pleasure can be taking a minute to pause before you drink water, and then noticing how it feels as it moves down your throat. Pleasure can be found in choosing which fabric to wear as you’re getting dressed (color too!). Pleasure is found in the slowing down. When we slow down and get curious, we have a better understanding of what we like. 

Lastly, slowing down can feel scary if we’ve been go go going as a coping mechanism. If you find that slowing down to drink your glass of water feels awful and makes you want to throw the glass across the room- notice that! Don’t force yourself. Find something else. We’ve gone through a collective trauma this last year. And even though there’s some unity in that (all of us experienced the pandemic), it looked different for all of us depending on the social and economic intersections we’re located in. It’s quite possible we need more time to process. It’s quite possible that going through this pandemic kicked up other individual traumas we now have to wrestle with. That’s been true for me. If you find yourself here too, I want to say to you: you don’t have to rush to get back to “normal”. I’m finding for myself the very act of letting myself be as slow as my body needs me to be is both endlessly frustrating and also very healing. I’m giving my body something I’ve never been able to give it before. Permission. In life I’ve often rushed, bulldozed, and brushed off my needs. That’s what many of us have been taught. 

A few years ago I was at a full moon gathering and asked someone there if she wanted to be a part of a project I was working on. She paused, took a breath, and said “Actually right now I’m in  a place of receiving so I’ll have to decline”. And my jaw hit the floor. People can just say that? Flat out “I’m not doing right now”? And I could see it wasn’t necessarily easy for her to say- it was something she was actively practicing. I have so much respect for her and think of that moment often and almost always when the Empress comes up. It’s such an “Empress” thing, in their truest form, to give ourselves what we need- even if it’s uncomfortable to name. Even if there are a lot of “should”s whispering in our ear. 

The Empress can be a reminder to simply find the thing that makes you feel good or even neutral. Do that thing. Grow that thing at a pace that feels comfortable for you. That’s enough. What we bring our awareness to grows. 

You don’t have to put on your starry crown and your best dress to experience pleasure. You don’t have to effort. 

You don’t have to try and move faster than the pace of your needs.